He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
