She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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