I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
