I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
