He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
