I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
