His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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