its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
