I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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