Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
