I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
