people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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