thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
