Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
