I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
