Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
