seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize