By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
