you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
