That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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