You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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