I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
