i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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