I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize