we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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