I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
