Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
