Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im holly from the hills drunk
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
