I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
