I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
