So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
