Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
