I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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