wanna go halves on a baby?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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