I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
