We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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