Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
