how can u be prego again
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i came on her dog
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
