Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
