just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
