The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
