were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
