You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
