but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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