apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
50% drunk capacity currently
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
