Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
