i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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