Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
