I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
NoShamevember. You game?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
