she looked like the before picture.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
