okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize