I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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