remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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