The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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