If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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