Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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