forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
