holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
