sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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