that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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