Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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