loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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