Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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