my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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