you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
