Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
