So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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