You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
